The Ex Trials (Falling for Autumn #3) Page 10

  I had to come clean to him about Justin. If we all went out together in Barbados and Cole unknowingly shared beers with the guy I slept with, he would never forgive me in a thousand years. But was I willing to gamble away my second chance with Cole? Because telling him the truth was taking a huge risk because there was a big chance I could end up losing him again.

  There were so many reasons I couldn’t tell Cole everything about that night in Atlantic City. For one, exposing Justin as the guy I cheated on Cole with could cause a riff between my friends. I didn’t know how my friends would react to finding out that I betrayed Cole with such a proven jackass. Blake may have been Justin’s buddy, but he didn’t know him the way I did. Being unfaithful was bad enough. But cheating with someone who I despised made me want to crawl under a rock and die.

  “Who are you rooming with?” I asked softly.

  He lifted his eyebrows in surprise at the quick change of subject. “With Evan, but I’ve been mostly by myself. He met a girl from the circus…”

  I cut him off with an unexpected giggle. “So, that’s why he’s been MIA?”

  Cole rolled his eyes. “She’s an alleged acrobat, so I wouldn’t expect to see my brother until we are docked back in Puerto Rico. He mentioned taking Molly with her in order to stay up and hump all night and I tuned him out. His war stories have started to lose their luster. Must be a sign of my blossoming maturity.”

  “Must be,” I said, melting in his arms, suddenly feeling completely relaxed. “Do you want to go back to your room?”

  I expected him to laugh and tell me hell to the yes, but instead he gave me an unsettling stare. I felt his eyes reach inside my core and try to figure me out. How could someone who was meant to be a casual fling turn into the man before me? Sometimes I believed Cole knew me better than I knew myself.

  He took a deep breath before answering. “What’s the rush? I thought we were taking things slow?”

  He had a point. I was hot and then cold. But the reality was we might only have the one night to be together. Justin was the massive iceberg floating in the middle of the ocean and we were heading right for him. Why had I believed I could take our relationship slow?

  I loved Cole. I knew that for a certainty now. Our story had started the night we met at his show and had never stopped being written. My bad judgment had created a chasm between us, but it was never unbridgeable. I only hoped he had it in his heart to forgive me for what I had left unsaid. If not, I wanted one last taste of what it would be like to be with him before my life went to shit again.

  “No,” he said interrupting my thoughts, his gaze smoldering.

  “Come again?”

  “No, we are going to finish dancing and eat dinner. And then have that goodnight kiss you promised,” he said firmly.

  “But I thought you said—”

  “I don’t know what’s going on in your pretty head, Casey Silvers, but you need to stop overanalyzing. I know you want to take things slow. But I think you’re afraid and that’s why you talked yourself out of waiting to have sex again. You think you’re going to lose me if we don’t fall into bed right away.”

  I tilted my head to look up at him. I was afraid to talk because I didn’t want to ruin the moment. He was too beautiful for words—strong, determined jaw, high cheekbones, a wide, honest smile. He was everything I ever wanted for the rest of my life. Instead of telling him that, I was afraid that the moments we had together were fleeting, I leaned into him and breathed in his delicious musky scent.

  Maybe we were stronger than I thought. We were surviving my betrayal. So maybe the secrets surrounding that one night wouldn’t ruin us. But there was so much shame surrounding what had happened in Atlantic City. If Justin decided to tell Cole all the dirty details, what would become of my heart? How far could I push Cole’s limits until he decided I was no longer worth fighting for?

  I was stuck spinning—incessantly spinning in an endless cycle of my own making. It was only a matter of time before the whole truth edged its way into our lives and put Cole’s faith in me to the final test.

  Chapter Twelve

  Cole asked me to walk him to his room after we finished dinner. Despite my emotions being out of control, I managed to have a good time with him. I loved the gentle side of Cole. Not the sexy rocker who would pull up his tank top on stage to indulge girls’ fantasies, but the laid-back, sweet guy who danced with me in spite of his discomfort and asked me questions that made me think shrewdly about my life.

  My mom had been trying to talk me out of the restaurant business. She said my career choices lacked ambition and there was no money in the industry. But talking to Cole about my future renewed my confidence. He was able to see me owning a restaurant and thought it was a good fit. I was a people person and sitting in a cubicle eight hours a day sounded like a form of torture to me.

  The corridor on the boat was quiet as we made our way to his room. I was thankful not to run into any of the guys. The men were staying a deck below the women with their rooms connecting. Running into Blake or one of the Caldwell brothers would be dreadfully awkward since no one knew I was back with Cole.

  He unlocked the door with his key card and gestured for me to follow him inside. He flicked on the light switch as I walked behind him inside the cabin. I felt relief there was nary a sight of Evan. We’d never hear the end of it if Evan caught us together. Hopefully the acrobat had him contorted in some sort of crazy position and he’d be stuck for a very long time.

  Cole reached his hand behind my head and closed the door firmly with his palm. Hearing the deadbolt slide in behind me made my heart flip at the sound. My head was building up the kiss to be something monumental, earth-shattering. I imagined fisting his shirt and dragging his mouth to mine.

  His eyes lit up as he moved in closer. “So, did the date earn a kiss?”

  My throat felt like sandpaper and I could barely make out his words over the sound of my own heart pounding in my ears. I could only manage a small nod in response.

  When he dipped his head down, my nerves made me take a step backwards until my back pressed against the wall. I became hyperaware of how my chest was rising and falling rapidly as he moved in for the kill. “Ready for that kiss?” he said in a low, dangerous voice.

  I closed my eyes, readying myself to taste him again. The anticipation was tearing me apart—I had so much need and want that I couldn’t contain it all. I had almost been delirious early when he had kissed me senseless. Like the time in my cabin was a virus-fueled dream. But I was purposely clearheaded now. I only had a glass of wine at dinner because I didn’t want to numb any of our time together. I wanted to remember every small detail: from the way his eyes burned just for me to how his lips felt when they pressed against mine.

  However, instead of feeling his lips against mine, I felt his fingers slipping under my dress and resting at the waistband of my panties. My eyes flew open. “What are you doing?” I gasped.

  “Remember the deal? It was for unlimited kisses. We didn’t specify where those kisses would be,” he said in a playful tone.

  My mouth fell open as I caught his meaning. If we were playing chess, Cole would achieve checkmate every single damn time. I had no way of anticipating his next move. Taking my hand, he led me towards the bed on the right side of the room. He gave me a swift kiss on the lips before softly guiding me to lie on the bed. I acquiesced and scooted back until I was lying flat on my back with Cole’s pillow beneath my head. Nervously, I stared up at the ceiling, counting the tiles to help me get a hold of my emotions. Being intimate with Cole had always come naturally, but I was more invested this time around. My heart belonged to him just as much as my body did.

  His hands went back under my dress as my heels fell to the floor with a loud thud. Expertly, he removed my panties and dropped them to the ground as well. He settled himself between my legs while carefully pushing my knees apart. With my dress bunching up around my waist, I was completely exposed to him.

&nbs
p; The hunger in his eyes made me instantly wet. He licked his lips and I fisted the sheets at my side—my concentration falling apart from the anticipation. He lowered his head to my exposed lips and laid a reverent kiss. Cole was obviously in no rush and his first few kisses were tentative—a soft kiss on each of my inner thighs followed by a long, slow lick across my opening. He was driving me insane with lust.

  Cole’s mouth was warm as he began to kiss me harder and faster. I almost wept with relief over how good it felt to have him taste me again. His tongue caressed me with his breath tickling my thighs each time he pulled away. My breathing picked up and I let out a long, low moan as he continued to pleasure me.

  I had forgotten what it was like to be with him—everything so exciting and desperate. Like we always had known we were running out of time to be together. I was falling and I trusted he would be there to stop me from crash landing.

  Cole hadn’t been kidding about unlimited kisses. He sucked and licked me until I was tossing from side to side. I began bucking wildly, but I forced my hips down into the mattress because I didn’t want him to stop. Each moan he made while his mouth closed around my nub made the pleasure intensify. I was so close to the release and I wanted it so bad. My nipples pushed against the front of my dress and I began to massage my breasts as he continued to go down on me. Cole made a sound of pleasure as his face was buried between my thighs and I could tell he knew I was close to going over the edge. His tongue darted in and out of me in rapid succession and I couldn’t hold back a second longer. My orgasm came fast. There were no words for how good it felt to just let go. He didn’t stop as my body continued to shake from the aftershocks of my climax.

  Once he picked up his head to peek up at me, he gave me a lazy, charming grin. He climbed to lie next to me and as his arms wrapped around me, I felt the strongest sense of belonging. I felt lighter in his arms as if a crushing weight I hadn’t known existed had suddenly been lifted and carried away for good.

  I almost wanted to cry from sheer relief, but choked back my tears. I loved Cole, but I was too embarrassed to admit how emotional it was for me to come again. I hadn’t been able to climax in months, not since the last time we were in bed together. I had thought something was mechanically wrong with me and I’d never be whole again. Like Justin had broken my ability to enjoy sex again. All the time, I just needed Cole to bring me back to life.

  Cole was hard against my leg and I made a move to unbutton his pants. He shook his head, grabbing a hold of my hands before I could wrap my fingers around his large erection.

  “What’s wrong?” I whispered, suddenly nervous.

  “Nothing,” he said with a groan. “But the deal was for me to kiss you. I plan to hold up my end of the bargain.”

  “Who are you?” I asked, only half joking. I clung to him tightly, afraid he would leave and I would lose him all over again.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Don’t get me wrong. We were always great together, but you seem so different,” I said and then added hastily, “In a good way.”

  “Maybe I am different. I thought once we were over, I could go back to how I was before. We’re getting more fans, so our shows have been packed. I figured I’d just get loaded after the shows and bang a groupie. The Caldwell form of therapy,” he said without meeting my eyes. His hazel eyes studied the ceiling and I waited for him to continue. “But I didn’t want that life anymore. I only felt bored and empty. I don’t want to feel that way again.”

  “But your friends… your family… what will they say about us being back together? Especially if they find out the truth of why we broke up in the first place…” I trailed off as I felt the oxygen leave the room.

  The fierceness in his voice forced me to still. “Fuck those people who would say we don’t stand a chance. I will fight for us all day long.”

  I wanted to whisper my love to him. Tell him that he’d never feel that emptiness again as long as he allowed me to be part of his life. As long as he accepted me for my imperfections and forgave me for all the mistakes in the past. I was ashamed of my part in hurting him, but I hadn’t acted alone.

  I held onto him, wanting to bask in his nearness. As I touched him, I felt every one of his muscles beneath my hands become relaxed. We both felt at peace with each other. It was a rare sensation and I wasn’t sure if I had ever felt the same with any past boyfriend. Cole was the one I’d been searching for. The great love that my friends seemed to have found already.

  I needed to fight. I couldn’t be weak or scared. I had to make Cole understand how much I regretted my mistakes and prove to him that I would never betray him again.

  But how did a couple survive infidelity? How did the wronged party get over it? What kind of future could we have? Every call or text I received—would it be met with suspicion?

  The only solution to winning back his trust was to come clean. No more games. No more lies. Only the honest-to-god truth. The problem was the truth resided in a spot in my brain that I didn’t dare venture into.

  ***

  Being in Cole’s arms was too soothing. All my worries disappeared and after a couple of minutes of comfortable silence, I must have drifted off. When I opened my eyes again, I didn’t know if hours or minutes had passed. Blinking, I then felt my heart soften as I saw Cole sleeping peacefully next to me.

  I kissed him on the side of his dark hair to stir him. “I should go,” I whispered. Although my need to stay outweighed logic.

  He rubbed at his eyes and then leaned up onto his elbows. He looked around the room and I could tell he felt just as dazed as I did. “What time is it?”

  “I’m not sure,” I said while pulling up my panties. Keeping my hands off of him was becoming a near impossibility. If I didn’t get back to my room soon, I would probably stay in bed with him for the remainder of the cruise.

  He groaned as I saw him check his watch left on the nightstand. “It’s after eleven.”

  “Shit,” I cursed, shoving my feet into my shoes. We hadn’t taken a cat nap. We’d been passed out for hours. I looked myself over quickly in the mirror and mumbled another curse. My hair was a frizzy mess while my makeup was smeared across my face. Licking the tips of my fingertips, I used my hands to try and smooth down the frizz. I took a tissue from the desk and wiped off as much makeup as I could.

  Cole came up behind me and kissed me on the neck. Instinctively, I leaned back into him and sighed. I felt like a dreadful maid of honor, but I wanted more time with him. The longer I delayed fixing things with him, the harder it would be for him to accept the reasons I lied to him about the past.

  “You’re going?” he said with a mock pout.

  “Yes. My friends are going to murder me as it is. I was supposed to be convalescing, not making out with my ex.”

  “Good point,” he said, nuzzling my neck. My eyes closed as his hypnotic voice relaxed me. “When do I get another date?”

  “Soon,” I said and pecked him on the lips. “Very soon. And this time, I get to kiss you anywhere.”

  “I’ll look forward to that,” he said. He framed my face with his large palms and tugged me to him. His lips touched mine and I felt my body ignite once again. If I weren’t already worried about landing in friend jail, I would have willingly had him lead me back to his bed so we both could come.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said quietly once his mouth released mine.

  Although I was late, I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him in for another kiss. His facial hair felt rough against my skin as I deepened the kiss. The kiss was long and erotic and if I didn’t stop us soon, I would never let him go.

  “See you tomorrow,” I said and couldn’t help but smile widely at him. I didn’t walk out of his room. I floated.

  He watched me from the doorway, leaning carelessly against the doorframe. I loved how his tension had all but gone. He no longer looked at me with mistrust, but as if he would be counting down the hours until we saw each other again.
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br />   I plummeted off the cloud I was floating on once I took the stairs up to my floor. As happy as I was to reunite with Cole, this vacation wasn’t about me getting my groove back. The cruise was to celebrate my best friend marrying the love of her life.

  My shoulders felt tight as I neared our room. I heard quiet, but strained voices from outside, which made my stomach drop. I’d been hoping my friends would still head out clubbing for the night and then question me later about my disappearing act. My lame note had obviously been inadequate. In their mind, I had probably faked the illness in order to rendezvous with Cole undetected.

  After unlocking the door, my eyes widened over the sight of Delia and Lexi rubbing Autumn’s shoulder as my best friend sobbed loudly into a rumpled tissue. Her eyes were swollen and mascara trails made their way down her cheeks.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, lurching forward.

  Before I could reach Autumn, Lexi stepped aside and blocked my path. She crossed her arms and glared at me with heat in her eyes. I’d never seen Lexi look so furious. “Where were you?” she screeched.

  “Lexi, stop it. It’s fine—” Autumn protested from behind her.

  “No, it’s not,” Lexi snapped, keeping her eyes glued to me. “We thought you were sick and we come back to find a vague note saying you were hanging out with Cole.”

  “I’m sorry. We had dinner and took a walk. I was feeling better—” I stumbled over my words. I tried to crane my neck to see Autumn who was still crying, albeit softer. “What happened?”

  Delia sank down on the couch next to Autumn. I hadn’t noticed before, but her cheeks were red and her eyes were bloodshot as well. Delia was fair, but now all color seemed leeched from her skin. In a defeated voice, she said, “What happened was my father gave a televised interview tonight.”

  “Oh fucking hell,” I said grimly and then pushed Lexi aside with my forearm. I kneeled before Autumn. “I am so sorry. We were trying to keep you from hearing about it.”